Emotional Intelligence # What Is Active Listening

Are you really, fully and actively listening? Chances are, you are not. What do we mean by active listening? In my last blog post I talked about what is empathy. A critical component of empathy is active listening.

In my role as executive coach, I see firsthand that very few executives practice the habit of listening well. Agenda-driven and time-pressured, we often go from meeting to meeting, email to email. We are so outcome-focused that we forget the value of powerful listening.

Perhaps we find ourselves doing one, or all, of the following.

• Steamroll over other leaders’ alternate points of view and miss the full picture of a situation or decision.
• Overlook unspoken signals and cues in a negotiation. We lose value by not recognizing the intangibles at play.
• Get too transactional. We are not building meaningful relationships and connections with others. We miss their emotional signals.
• Get too focused on what we know. We forget to extract insight from diverse sources. We lose out on the bigger opportunities.
• Maybe we are formulating our response before taking it all in.

Here are some thoughts to get started,

• Be intentional about listening more and talking less. This balancing act may not come organically at first. You will find, with practice that the art of listening becomes second nature.
• Listen for emotions and energy. Spotlight them. Most executives are great at listening for content but not good at listening for emotions and energy. Listening for these nonverbal cues is very important. Set a deliberate intention to listen for the emotions and energy of others.
• Ask open-ended, relevant questions. Llisten to the response. Many executives make the mistake of asking directive questions that require a yes or no response. This limits your ability to extract important information. We fail to grasp the nuances of what is really going on. Ask open-ended questions. Start with “what” or “how.” It is a great strategy to help you elicit the essence of what you need to know.
• Be fully present in the moment. Many leaders multitask in key conversations, whether physically or mentally. Know this: research shows that the brain struggles with multitasking. So while you are doing the other thing, your brain is not really listening, and you are losing value.

It is important for leaders to be fully present mentally and physically in key conversations. By being present, you signal to others they are valued. You fully grasp what is being said and what is not being said. This helps you follow up with better questions. It builds more trust. You will make a stronger connection and achieve better results.

In your next key meeting set deliberate listening goals. Consider a self-debrief of the value you got from this. As you take on these four habits, I believe you will notice better outcomes and a positive impact gained from the value of listening.